Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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