He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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