dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
