Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
