Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
