I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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