69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
