Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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