I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
