I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
