Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
