So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
