i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pants are for mortals
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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