The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
