Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
