I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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