I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
