maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
