So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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