Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
