So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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