his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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