I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
