Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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