I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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