My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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