Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
