I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
