I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
