Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize