Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
