So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
