My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
