I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
