on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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