im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
two words: eviction party
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
