On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
