Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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