so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
