I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
