I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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