dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
