It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
