I wish you could order shots online.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
