My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
