The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
