Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
