you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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