She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
