Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
