so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
