I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
