Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
