he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
