Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
