Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
