Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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