I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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