Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
