here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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