So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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