I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
