Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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