I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
