Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
