i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
