At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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