What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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